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Alrighty. Things have been happening. Baaad things. *sheep* 

Teardrop on the fire.

I'm completely and utterly disappointed in myself. I feel like a failure.

1. Three D's last quarter on my report card
2. An F in AP World History on my progress
3. An F for the quarter in AP WH
4. I go over my minutes on my phone by spending 1600 and costing $500.

I want to start over. A clean slate. Which is what I've been given. Do you know how hard it is to get me out of habits? REALLY hard. It doesn't work.

I know my parents think I'm a failure too. I think what's it the worst part. And whatever my parents think my little brother thinks, so he throws it in my face. It feels like these past couple months have gone down the tube.

Currently, I'm a little child balled up in the fetal position wishing for everything to get better. On the outside, I'm trying to fix everything at once and it's turning into one big disastrous attempt.

When I finish with this, so I don't feel so bad about my self [I get done faster when I'm determined, not sad], I'm cleaning my room. One of many things that want me to do to make up for it. Plus all my brownie/cupcake sales goes to them. Ugh, it takes me 3 weeks just to raise $100. Fun fun. >.<

I would love to get a job, but I think my mom is tired of driving me everywhere so I'm to try and get one when I get my lisense. So, there goes idea.


The Legend Becomes You

Yesterday I went to the Renaissance Festival again! w00t! It was a lot of fun. But, I think I would've had more fun if my friends weren't acting so awkward. I dressed up, of course, with the costume I bought last year. I bought some additions such as leather arm guards, a potion bottle that attaches to a belt using leather, and an earring type thing. I lost the ear piece because it was windy and my bangs started getting in my face. When I kept pulling them back, I guess it fell off. *emo tear* It had cost me $12! Ugh. Oh well, it's impossible to find now. And me and my stupid self forgot to put sunscreen on. Now my shoulders are all nice and toasty. Grr...

I saw my boyfriend there. He was a samurai, as I was a sorceress. He looked pretty cool despite the largeness of the costume. We hung out for a little bit, only because he caught me at the point where my family had exhausted the fair. I'd been there since 10am and left at 5pm. I'm pretty proud that I didn't get tired though. =D

Eventually when my parents wanted to leave, my dad wanted to meet his parents. Woohoo. >.> Overall, they got along well, but my mom was tad overkill on the friendliness. And she wanted to talk about what he and I do from time to time. >.< Parents.

My boyfriend's mom and his aunt dressed as the Boleyn Girls. They made the dressed themselves and everything; it was pretty cool. XP His uncle was a pirate, and his little brothers were just medieval people. But his step-dad just dressed like a regular person off the streets. He was the only one. =/

I think that's all...>.>
Once you've been 'tagged', you have to write a blog of 10 weird/random facts/habits/goals about yourself. At the end choose 10 people to be tagged , listing their names and WHY you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment ( You're IT ! ) and to tell them to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you, since you can't tag me back - let me know when you've posted your blog so I can see your answers...

1. I have chocolate covered sunflower seeds next to my keyboard.

2. I'm chewing my favorite gum, 5, right now.

3. I hate slavery and got into a heated argument as to why it's horrible. Can you believe she wanted the South to win? n00b.

4. I play Halo Trial and Halo sometimes, and when my friend Jonathan lets me play his Halo 3. XD

5. I have to have my playlist from my profile playing at all times because my computer won't stop communicating in morse code.

6. I have OCD. Hehe, I like pretty colors.

7. I have a strawberry charm on my cell phone. And it have double meanings to me.

8. I've got a new hobby of naming everything I own.

9. Half of my best friends probably don't consider me theirs.

10. I won a drawing contest when I was 3 and the prize was a shopping spree at Publix.

1. L-chan - I think it's obvious. lol
2. Shelby - She's funny when random.
3. Chelsea - her answers probably have good thoughts.
4. Ariann - She's funny and thoughtful. A perfect package.
5. Jenna - She's coolio and she doesn't do these things often.
6. Mr. Ninja Man - it's always good to know more about your best friend
7. Mr. Bird Guy - He's too lazy to do this, so I'm just filling up space. lol
8. Jason - I'd like to know more about him. Hopefully he won't be so much of a pessimist.
9. Lexi - Even though I've known her for quite some time, I hardly know anything. ='[
10. Amy - Same as above. =]
I'm late, I know. Only because as busy as ever. Trying to keep up with homework, my relationship [not complaining ^.^], friends, and internet is A LOT of work. I guarantee if you try and walk in my shoes you wouldn't survive a single day.

It seems like no matter how hard I try to catch up I'm always tumbling behind the tide and sinking deeper into the depths of the sea. Now that there's only 2 weeks until the end of the quarter I have work really hard to keep my grades up and make them rise. I swear I'm going to explode one of these days. Without my boyfriend, I'd implode. XP

Tonight I have to bake cupcakes to sell at school tomorrow for Relay for Life. Which is an organization that collect money for cancer research. I'm doing it through JROTC, but if I don't come up with any money this week I'm kicked off the team. But if I get kicked off I'll still raise money, it sounds like they're seriously lacking.

And every weekend I'm selling Girl Scout cookies. It takes up a good chunk of my day, I have no life anymore so it's ok.

Yup, so basically I haven't been able to go to the movies with my friends because Logan is either grounded, or at his Father's. But that one chance when he's at his Mom's it's hard to get him going because she seems really strict for someone who only sees their children a few days a week. But I don't want to dig a hole for myself. Hehe, my mouth does that a lot.

Yeah, I'm a really opinionated person. I'll get it out one or another, some best than others. Usually, my parents don't listen to me normally, so I have to complain or argue. Which really sucks because it's gets me in trouble and feeds to their opinion of not liking me. Oh well, I stopped caring when they did. =/

Okie dokie!

I have decided to write here every single day! About my day and such. It will truly be my own blog. And no doubt boring to people who don't care. But seriously, I think all of my friends are tired of me venting to them everyday, so I'm doing it to an inanimate object. Well, let's see how well this works!

This will be posted in my myspace blog, gaia journal, and here!

w00t! ♥

Everything is okay now.

I knew it would only take a day for my emotions to get in check. It happens. =/ Wanna know why? Right after I wrote that, L-chan called me. Isn't that just so awesome? He never calls. That's probably the 6th time we've talked on the phone within seven months. XD His phone died in the middle of the conversation, but that's okay, he called back a half an hour later to say goodnight. ^.^

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Haha, did you notice? I haven't been using hearts anymore. MySpace does that to you. XP

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Okie dokie. I had one of the worst dreams ever. I remember it so clearly, so while I still can I'm writing it down.

It starts off with this young women in a bad emotional state. I think she was dying. And she liked purple for some reason. Then she was talking about letting this guy rape her, and she laid down on a silver table hooked up to IVs in a futuristic room. It now jumps to my family and my friend's family. We're in a doctors office waiting room, and it's still futuristic. And it was like I knew what was going to happen to the girl. I was going to try and stop it, but then it goes to some colorful birth certificates. Apparently there was one of twins with some Russian names. A boy and girl. I think the girl was the one in trouble. And I had a birth certificate too. I don't think I saw my brother's, but there was one more. They came with Star Wars Christmas ornaments too. [lol] I think we walked into the room with the girl and it was too late, she died. However, before she died I had battled with some guy who was holding some liquid in a syringe that was bright light blue. He lost, but the girl was still dead.

Then it jumps to "my house". Which wasn't really mine, it was a beautiful two story with good taste. Now we're to the bad part. My friend's family were trying to take my animals. I was frantically running around wondering what to do. First it was Heather [the family fat cat], then Midnight [my dog], and finally they wanted Sakura [my cat]. Too bad. I ran to the room where she was and picked her up and held her in my arms. They said they'll take her when they get a new wife. [i have no clue what that means] I wouldn't let go of her and here's where the waterfall tears came. I starting shouting that she's mine and you can't have her. The family was standing at the top of the stair near the door and I was looking up at them from the living room. They agreed and left. There's the end.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I woke up. The worst part was the emotions I felt were real, and it was super scary. Then Christmas music was playing outside my house with Santa riding on a firetruck and passing our candy canes. XP

Death is only the beginning.

My mind is conflicted.
I keep having these thoughts that I want to go away and stay away forever.

Today I got jealous. It was first in a long while. Right now my boyfriend [L-chan] is spending the night at our friend's house [Mr. Silent Dude]. Before that he walked from school to our other friend's house. I just so happen to have to walk home also. I had left him with a goodbye kiss at school without knowing that was the route we would be taking. Suddenly him and our friends start following my friend [Kitty] and I. I was trying to make everyone laugh, which wasn't working that well. But then L-chan was acting completely indifferent. I felt so invisible. And that is not the best feeling to feel given by the person you love. Not at all.

Obviously, that isn't the beginning. In the morning before class starts I was sitting with my other friends until L-chan arrived. Then was showed, I sat with him and our friends. Today they were talking about something I had no clue about, so I zoned out. Then my friend Sunshine called me over to tell me something. And I hopped out of my chair to listen...

Everything seemed okay. When I got back to the table L-chan & friends wanted me to tie his hair up [it's a bit long]. The bell rang for class, so we walked to class. I had to give our teacher something so I walked him to class. Then I met up with my friend and she needed her calculator back, so I let go of L-chan's hand and gave it to her. She started talking to me for a litte while and he walked on ahead with our friends. He walked on ahead. Which means he started leaving me behind. He did this to me two days ago too. He just up and walked away while starting to leave. I didn't think anything of it the first time, but now I'm worried.

I was hoping to do something with L-chan tonight. Guess not. Now I'm home with everyone gone and ditched me. I'm feeling a bit abandoned. It's not the funnest thing in the world. Everyone ran away without me. I'm here watching their backs as they walk away. I'm supposed to be the one in the front. Well, things will be changing.

Despite all this, I still love him and all my friends. And my jealousy is in vain, because I've gone to be with my friends so many more times than him. So, as always I'm over thinking that. However, that doesn't change the fact that I'm terribly missing him and me.

Dun dun dun...yeah, idk. XP

10 weeks since I've posted?! ♥ O.O ♥ Sorry.

I think I forgot how to make a FAKE CUTCollapse )


Oh gosh...I just have to write about this...I don't think I can't and be sane...

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